Shattered Glass
by Symphony17
Summary: "I didn't know you were one for drink, Hinamori-san." … "I'm sorry. I'm not cut out for this. I don't know what I'm doing here anymore."


The almost musical crash of shattering earthware attracts his attention as he nears the tree that marks his preferred stargazing spot. A choked sob follows the sound, whoever currently occupied his tree obviously not having noticed his presence yet. Pushing his straw hat back, Shunsui keeps to the shadows of the line of trees as he approaches the last tree on the hill that provides one of the best views in Seireitei.

He watches with an unusually somber expression as the petite figure examines a shard of pottery before throwing it back on the ground and picking up another bottle, gulping at the liquid within – which the normally anything-but-serious captain was fairly sure he could identify. With a heavy sigh, he observes quietly for a few moments before making up his mind.

Pulling his hat forward again, Shunsui assumes a placid expression and leaves the shelter of the shadows. "Mind if I join you?"

A sudden intake of breath and a spurt of coughing marks the surprise of the young seeker of reprieve.

"Kyoraku-taichou," the figure splutters as he smiles thinly and waits for her to catch her breath.

"Hinamori-kun…" and he notices her subtle flinch, so he corrects himself. "Hinamori-san, I apologize if I startled you."

Shaking her head vigorously, Hinamori tries to shove the bottle away behind her in embarrassment, but Kyoraku settles himself next to her and reaches for it, pulling it out of her hands to take a sip himself, leaving it on his other side and out of her reach.

"I didn't know you were one for drink," he says mildly, watching her expression out of the corner of his eye as guilt, anger, and despair flash across her delicate features.

"I'm not," she replies in a low voice, the slight lag in response time and slowness of her words the only hints that she'd ingested more than the bottle currently in the captain's hands.

Despite himself, Shunsui was impressed. He wouldn't have taken her for a heavyweight, but she held her alcohol admirably.

He could guess at the reasons she ended up here tonight, but instead he gives her space and doesn't press for information, merely offers companionable silence. After a few minutes of staring, unseeing, at the stars that speckled the night sky, Hinamori's shoulders began shaking. Glancing over, Shunsui noticed the telltale gleam of tears running down her cheek, and he sighed sadly, inwardly, as he slowly lifted a hand and placed it on her shoulder. He opens his mouth to speak, notices the expression of sheer fury on her face, and closes it again. He flounders for a moment – this is completely unexpected – but he recovers in time to say, "It's all right to be angry, Hinamori-san."

Her sobs turn desperate as she presses her hands to her mouth in an attempt to muffle them.

"I'm s-sorry," she chokes out, hanging her head.

"Don't be. It's all right," he repeats.

"I know what they say about me," she says suddenly, between sniffles, her tone dark and sullen. "And I know why. Even I don't know how someone as weak and pathetic as me could become a lieutenant," she sneers. "I don't know why he picked me," she continued. "I guess I was just the only one stupid enough to take him at his word. But I never did any of those despicable things – and I'm glad I didn't," she adds heatedly, hiccupping once.

"I just wanted…" She stops and sighs and shakes her head, raking her fingers roughly through her hair. "I don't even know what I wanted. I wanted to be with Toshiro, I guess. And after I met him, I wanted to be with Aizen-tai…. Aizen. I think I wanted to be coddled like that. To be treated like something delicate and precious. Even though I knew I needed to be tough."

"I'm not cut out for this, Kyoraku-taichou," she says with a humorless laugh. "I don't know what I'm doing here anymore."

Watching her silently for a moment, Shunsui shakes his head. "Anyone would feel the same in your position, Hinamori-san," he says gently. "But you are much stronger than you think. You became a lieutenant on your own merits; even Aizen wouldn't have been able to pull that many strings." Perhaps that last phrase stretched the truth, but it was true that very few people could rival the fifth division lieutenant's kido expertise.

"This is where I come to think or to be alone… or to forget," he says suddenly, looking around the hill. "But sometimes—" this in a softer tone, "—sometimes it is better to remember."

"I know it's hard, Hinamori-san, but you can take these experiences and use them to your advantage. You have always been strong," he affirms. "You can take these experiences – that would have broken a lesser person – and you are still here. But I have seen you, Hinamori-san. And you belong here. Use this to become stronger," he says firmly. "Learn to see through pretty words and false kindness, and learn to lead instead of follow. Find your greatest strengths and use them to your advantage."

"You don't need to bend in the wind anymore, Hinamori-san," he says with a small smile. "You have it within you to be the wind."

Through his uncharacteristically inspirational speech, Hinamori regained control of herself, taking deep breaths as she listened with wide eyes to his rare words of wisdom.

Sniffling one final time and wiping her swollen eyes with her sleeve, Hinamori sits up a little straighter and inclines her head to the captain. "Thank you, Kyoraku-taichou," she says, a new lightness in her tone.

He offers a smile and walks her back to the fifth division barracks, and a few hours later, the sun rises on the hill, shining off a half-full bottle of liquor and broken shards of pottery.

* * *

The next day she suffers through her work with a terrible headache, but soon Toshiro and Rangiku notice that she's begun speaking up and speaking out more, both to her own subordinates, and to her equals and superiors in meetings and discussions. The rumors die down, replaced by quiet respect and mild awe from some of the new recruits, and she gains a reputation for being stern but kind. She remains sensitive about certain phrases, and glares at anyone who calls her 'Hinamori-kun', but seems to unbend in some ways. She no longer walks on ice around Toshiro and begins to reforge her friendship with Rangiku. Slowly but surely, she finds her strengths and uses them to put her life back together.


End file.
